How We Connect Matters
A Practice To Deepen Your Self Awareness
What we find as we unlearn our unhealthy coping patterns of wound healing connection is that we are often unknowing shielding ourselves with a protective barrier, and because it has become such a part of “who we are” majority of us don’t even realize we are doing it.
I find nooks of my own old patterns arising amidst the moments of life When Things Fall Apart, especially when sleep deprivation as a new parent takes hold, and my patience for myself, my tantrum exploring toddler and stressed partner are all just trying to breathe for the day. And there, in a moment, yet with a differing perspective is my old friend, a wound, and I see it or feel it, sometimes in the heat of it all, and sometimes in the calm after the storm.
I am able to do so because of my behavior, because mindfulness practices show me how to be the witness to my actions, thoughts and feelings. I am interrupting and not listening. I am venting and not turning inward to understand. I am judging and maybe want to say unkind words about someone. I have a story on repeat in my head that actually helps me close off, rather than open up.
All signs. All messengers.
Let’s be clear, this practice is not about never doing the behavior again as much as it is about how we respond to the behavior and become accountable to ourselves and others.
Over time, the more we partake in the practice of inward coming to peace with our wounded healing connections, we slowly re-wire the brain, we put a pause on the loop, we interrupt the pattern and soon, that particular wounded healing connection behavior starts to become a foreign feeling. No longer the how you connect regularly, but rather a mindfulness checkpoint, a medicine, a tool for consciousness and compassionate healing.
If you would like to take a self inquiry journey to deepen your awareness with your how in connections, please join me for this invitation. Notice first what you have defined as “connection” in your life, and then notice what are some of your wounded healing connection behaviors. We all have them, because no one leaves humanity without experiencing some level of trauma, grief, loss and postpartum experience. The sooner we normalize this aspect, the sooner we all can find a collective inner and outer peace for all sentient beings.
Here are some questions to explore.
Take your time.
Maybe journal about it.
Come back to it.
There is no wrong here, my loves.
In moments of connecting with others,
How is your body language?
What words are you using, are they yours or have they been adopted from someone else?
Adopted or not, do these words feel aligned to your heart?
Are you speaking from your ego to be seen as if to fit in, please or fight?
Are you sharing from your heart, trusting that you are enough as you are?
Are you already thinking about what you are going to say or ask even as the other is talking, so not practicing conscious listening?
Are you trying to solve the persons problem or focused on how you will be perceived so you can say or do something “right?”
And most importantly, how do you feel after you leave the conversation?
What emotions arise for you?
What perceptions do you notice in your body?
Would you say you feel Seen? Abundant? Depleted? Used? Icky? Unseen?
As you choose or do not choose to walk this path consciously, please remember this is a practice. Healing is not linear.